Okay again, I take my dreams too seriously. If you think this makes me crazy, discontinue reading here.

Last night I had quite the unfamiliarity: TWO DREAMS. I remember them both, also. In the first, I was watching a family. There was a woman pregnant with twins, and everybody was watching over her to make sure the babies came out okay. They wanted so badly to make sure this time, she kept it. But instead, she intentionally overdosed, and wound up in an asylum. The babies were dead. In the dream, I think I was the girl, although I only watched from above. But in the asylum, her beautiful features [she looked nothing like me. She was Chinese, I believe] were writhed in torture and she screamed in pain. It was unbearable to watch. I woke up a bit terrified.

In my second dream, I was involved in a marriage with somebody I had never met. I was wearing this white frilly gown, and a black zipup hoodie along with my black chucks. I felt completely out of place along all these beautiful people waiting for me to declare my matrimony before God. Not a single one of my friends had showed up, and I felt completely alone. At the last minute, I refused, and ran from the church screaming and dancing, running through the front playgrounds and trees. It was very strange.

I think these show me that I"m afraid of commitment [running from marriage? running from God?] and that I am too rebellious. Also I think the lack of friends there means I feel unsupported in my life, which is strange, because my friends have been there for me a lot lately. The first dream left me quite a bit confused, unfortunately. I don't know if the baby symbolizes my spirit or my past that I have destroyed before, or if the girl symbolizes my ability to destroy myself. But maybe I am like a Phoenix, just created to rise again.

Its been a really reflective morning. Yes morning. I was woken up at seven forty five. It's been great. Caffeinated.