also, for those out there who know me, know i take my dreams very seriously. i only remember them like, twice a month, and when i do they are almost always telling me something. well, two nights ago i had a dream that my mother died. and then last night i had a dream that my stepmothers family was taking turns beating me, and then telling me what a piece of shit i was and my dad just watched. they kept calling me a whore, and a slut. i woke up completely shook up but i couldn't remember my dream! so when i could i decided to put it on here.
my hypothesis of the dreams means that my subconscious feels that my relationship with my mother is desintigrating [probably due to my stepfather, who i have NOT been getting along with. i woke him up, and he tried to kick me out of the house], and that if i don't fix it soon, the damage will be irreversable. my hypothesis for the second dream is that i feel ignored by my father and that her family takes place before i do. [which i've always felt.] and that all these names i've been afraid were true, are being thought by those closest to me. but i dont know how to fix my relationship with my dad. my world is kind of falling apart.
but i'm okay. i actually am. i'm getting back into religion [dylan, do you remember when i was in elementary school and i thought i was a witch? me and my friend samantha made a religion? remember?] and leaving where i left off as a child. i remember my beliefs on god, and jesus [irrelevant if he was the messiah. he was a good man, who did his best to make everybody's lives a little better. if we all tried to be a bit more like him, the world would be a better place.] and how i feel about magic. i dont believe a spell can change a person, but i do believe that channeling your inner strength can bring you courage, bravery, and a sense of self. so i'm trying to dig up my own journals to start up where i left off.
go ahead, call me crazy. a naturally empathetic person, i probably already know. :]
point: my nipple hurts, my nights have sucked, and i'm probably not an athiest. i prayed when i thought i was going to get kicked out, which made me realize that i couldn't NOT believe in god if i was going to pray to him/her when my life got rough. but yes.
my nipple hath been bit.
Devious Comments
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[link] Moderation? Why limit yourself as an artist?
Anywho, in response to what all you have posted, I think that everything you have been going through lately has definitely effected your dreams. I mean, all that has to be a bit overwhelming, and sometimes people don't realize how much things are bothering them until they dream about it, or something like that. I'm really tired, so I hope that made at least an ounce of sense.
As for the religion thing, I've always thought it to be a very good thing to have faith in something, no matter what it is. If not God, then at least a higher "power" as it were, or simply self-power... Just something. I don't believe in the stereotypical God, per se, but I do have faith in something, even if I am unsure of what it is. That has helped me through a multitude of things, including my mother's death. So I salute you for gaining some of that back. Not to say, of course, that I think you'd be insane to not have some sort of faith, whatever floats your boat, right? But I think that it will probably help you out.
Point of above rambly sentence: Glad you have faith.
*Puts ice on your nipple (not awkward at all)*
Feel better.
-Dylan >: )
And you becoming a witch? Sounds vaguely familar. I do remember when you used to swear on the Bible, and it was a really big deal... That's about all in the religion department that I remember about our elementary days, however.
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
-Dr. Seuss
i'm not becoming a witch. i used to think i was a witch. now i'm just... trying to figure out what i believe again by researching everything. i think New Age religious theories are probably the most relevant to my life, however wiccan beliefs also intrigue me. native americans had a great thing going with their belief of the world having everything to do with religion, and i get into that major. i'm not a fan of reincarnation, but i definately agree with the eternal balances of hindu and buddhist faiths. i'm keeping all my research in a spiral notebook, and maybe i'll create my own callaborative religion with bits of "MEIGHANS THEORIES" tossed in. a mixture of all religions plus creative witchcraft or something. i dont know. x]
ah yes. elementary days. crazy paden.
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We are who we were.
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We are who we were.
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We are who we were.
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We are who we were.
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